What Should I do When my Teenager is Breaking all of the Rules?
Absolutely—here’s a version of your piece that keeps all the heart and wisdom but dials up the personality, sass, and realness. Think: honest advice from the cool-but-wise older friend who’s been there.
What Should I Do When My Teenager is Breaking All the Rules?
Let’s be honest—parenting a teenager can sometimes feel like you're starring in your own reality show, complete with slammed doors, eye rolls, and dramatic exits. One minute they’re your sweet kid, the next they’re skipping school, being wildly disrespectful, and yelling things that make your eyebrows jump clean off your face. So what do you actually do when your teen seems determined to break every rule in the house?
Try Not to Lose Your Mind (Even If They’re Trying You)
When your teen is acting out, it’s tempting to jump straight into punishment mode. But here’s the hard truth: most of the time, their behavior is less about you and more about whatever chaos is going on in their brain. And trust me, there’s a lot going on in there—hormones, identity crises, peer pressure, and the constant existential dread of high school group projects. It's a mess.
So before you come in with the verbal flamethrower, try a little curiosity. Ask yourself: “What might they be feeling that they don’t know how to say?” Because chances are, that attitude is masking anxiety, sadness, stress, or all of the above.
Connection First, Correction Later
Here’s a parenting plot twist: one of the best ways to get your teen to actually listen to you is by not lecturing them every chance you get. Wild, right?
Instead, focus on rebuilding the relationship. Spend time with them that has absolutely nothing to do with rules, grades, or how they’re ruining your peace of mind. Think:
Dinner out – No school talk, just fries and vibes.
Arcade runs or Dave & Buster’s – A little lighthearted trash-talking over air hockey can go a long way.
Board game night – Yes, even if they act like they’re too cool for it. Bonus points if someone flips the Monopoly board.
Mini getaway – Hotel + waterpark = bonding + fewer distractions (and fewer doors to slam).
These moments build trust—and when trust is up, defensiveness is down. That's when the real conversations sneak in.
Say It With Me: Love With Boundaries
Your teen needs to know you love them—even when they’re being completely unlovable. You can hold boundaries and be kind. You can say, “No, you can’t skip school,” without screaming like you're in a courtroom drama.
If things get heated, it’s totally okay to take a beat and say something like:
“I’m getting really overwhelmed, and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. I’m going to take a minute and come back.”
Boom—emotional intelligence and modeling self-regulation. You’re basically a therapist now.
Help Them Name the Crazy
Teens don’t always have the words for what they’re feeling. So when they’re spiraling, they might just blow up instead. This isn’t a moral failure—it’s a skill gap.
You can help by casually modeling ways to handle stress without going nuclear. Like:
“I’m so irritated right now, I need to walk it off. Want to come with me?”
This shows them that big feelings aren’t something to be ashamed of—and that there are healthier options than yelling or bottling it all up until they explode over a dirty dish.
Adjust Your Expectations (aka Stop Expecting a Grown Adult in a Teen Body)
You may find yourself saying things like, “He should know better!” But here’s the kicker: if he really did know better, he’d probably be doing better.
Your teen isn’t trying to ruin your life. They’re trying to figure out how to exist in the world with a brain that’s still under construction. Your job? Help them build the skills—not just punish the slip-ups.
Think of yourself as the coach, not the referee. You’re not just throwing flags—you’re teaching plays.
The Long Game Is the Only Game
Sure, you want them to act right now, but real change takes time (and patience, and more deep breaths than you thought humanly possible). But here’s the good news: everything you're doing—connecting, staying calm, modeling emotional intelligence—is planting seeds.
You may not see the payoff this week. But fast-forward a few years, and your once-spicy teen is calling you for advice, not just to ask for your Netflix password.
Real Talk Wrap-Up
You’re not failing because your teen is struggling. You’re parenting a human in progress—and some days will absolutely suck. But if you lead with connection, stay consistent with your boundaries, and remind them (and yourself) that this phase isn’t forever, you're doing a damn good job.
Just remember: calm, validate, discharge, connect. And maybe hide the good snacks—they will find them.
Let me know if you need more help supporting your family through the teenage years! Good luck!